OH! and, we were all meant to blog about something deep and meaningful, but I was too tired to be deep lastnight. So I suppose I might give it a go now. Before I do though, unless Nat's are lyrics, then she did very well. and amanda, well, she just fails, kinda.
BTW, the difference between this blog and my other one is, like mariam, this is going to be like, more HAHS related. I'm not going to ramble on about thomas hassall stuff or macfields stuff that isnt relevant to anyone anyway, although I'm pretty sure since this bloglink is on my PM, other people who read the other one will read this also.
Has anyone realised that blogging is just kinda... talking to yourself on msn, and then letting people read your chat log with yourself? well, thats the way I see it- don't judge me!
I'm not really mad at anything right now, and my emotions are... generally positive (except for the fact that dannis & genvin just called to say they were coming over- THEY ARE NOT COMING OVER), so I'm guessing the mood of this won't be too angsty...
BEFORE I START- I really, really, really want my Ps! Like, if i had them right now, I wouldnt be here. I would be, like, somewhere cooooool. Or at least, if I WANTED to be somewhere cool, I could get there.
LOL, I was watching HSM this morning, and then I realised how much I lovedddd it, and was just... laughing at myself really. It's sooo lame. But still, Zac Efron ♥!
The time around when HSM came out was pretty much, in hindsight, the beggining of the end. Around the time I started truong I think. And I say the beggining of the end because, if I hadnt gone to truong, I would not have known about HAHS, and hence, would not be here right now. And when I say end, I mean the end of my social life. So around... middle of year 8? Well, actually, that's wrong, cos I reckon the best part of my lifelife so far was around this time last year, so, year 10, until before school started...
I mean, dont get me wrong, where I am now is not bad (see, I just said I was quite satisfied with things the way they are), but, they aren't good either. Maybe I can't or shouldn't be blaming Hurlstone, since like, there's Stephen & Brian's party coming up, and the informal and the paintball thing- so I could have a life if I wanted to... but really, I just want the life I had around this time last year... and who knows, even if i hadn't changed schools, things might be exactly as they are now, but I don't know that- all I know is what's happening now, and I have nothing else to blame.
Last year was when the major changes began, I think. But to be honest, I was asking for it. Pretty much I had gotten to the stage where everything was so boring cos I was so used to it. I had spent 7 years at Thomas Hassall, and understandbly was sick of it. This was pretty much my main motive for attempting to move schools, but it wasnt the reason for actually deciding to. The application and testing thing, I didnt really take seriously. For one, I didn't think I'd really make it in anyway, and for two, it was a very... spontaneous decision so even if I did making it, I didn't even consider considering it (<-- good english). When I found out that I did actually make it to HAHS, I wasn't actually going to leave Thomas Hassall... but then, something came over me (probably the asian-ness) and I just... had to leave. I did expect more from HAHS than what I got... but that's okay...
I suppose I didn't like that this minor (or, I guess some could call it major) change in my life basically changed everything I had ever known. Maybe I'm being overdramatic, but this change changed every single aspect of my life. I and feel/felt that I was the only one who was feeling this change and I didnt/dont know how to deal with it. But, as I talk to more people, in school and out, I am beggining to realise that, I dont know, a sudden wave of change practically washed over the world. Honestly, I'd prefer if it didnt.
So now, life, compared to what it was a year ago, is completely different, I believe, for the worse. It was around now, I think, when change for the better occured- I had a life.
Since coming to Hurlstone, I don't feel like I've ever had the chance just to... relax, without feeling guilty. Actually, I have stopped to think what if its just cos I'm in year 11 now, or even, this new... learning atmosphere might be for the better... It probably will get me like, a better ATAR or whatever, but before coming here, it wouldn't really have mattered. See, it may be hard to believe, but before I came here, I stressed like, a quarter of what I do now, but it still seemed like a lot. I'm just intimidated by the comparitively high standards here. You could argue that it's a good thing that I care a lot now, but I DONT ENJOY FEELING STRESSED ALL THE TIME.
Some things never change though... I might edit this later on, and... talk to myself about what has stayed the same. Ironically, something that I wish would change.
- C
1 comment:
I actually read through all that.. Are you proud of me ? :)
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